Obituary of Emilee F. Nisenfeld

My sister was probably one of the most loved people I have ever known. I’m not even talking about her thousands of blog followers, or her hundreds of Facebook friends… When I say she was loved more than most – I mean by the people in this room, who gave their hearts, their homes, their time, their financial support, their guidance, and their prayers to show their love for Emilee over the past 25 years. And it broke my heart every day that she wasn’t able to see it. She wasn’t able to see the things in herself that all of us saw: her brilliant intelligence (she was probably smarter than me…), her quick (and often inappropriate) sense of humor, her genuine desire to care for the people around her, her beauty. Emilee had nothing but potential. She was a happy kid. What I will remember is when we moved to Portland, sitting in the back of the family van and making fun of the funny name of our new town, chanting “Lake Osweeeeeee-go”. The first time she saw snow on a family trip to Mt. Hood, she woke up from her nap, looked out the window, and announced: “Ice cream!” All of her childhood crushes, 1:00 am stuffed animal wars with her childhood best friends Claire and Nicole, Easter and the Super Bowl with the Allenbys, New Years at the Casey’s, the nights she spent throwing a fit until she was allowed to sleep in my room... As all of you know, our mother, Donna, was diagnosed with breast cancer when Emilee was only three years old – she was a strong woman and she fought it for six years. Emilee grew up in the shadow of our mothers’ illness, knowing even at her young age that it was only a matter of time… and when she passed Em was nine. Emilee modeled herself after Donna, and once she was gone – I think it was hard for Em to ever really figure out who she was or who she wanted to be. Her teenage years weren’t easy – as many of you recall vividly. Our father Tony, as a single parent, did everything he knew how in order to make sure the two of us grew up with the things we needed and wanted, healthy, happy, well educated, and well adjusted. His mantra with me was “I know you’ll do the right thing….” Which was Catholic for, “You’d better not do what you just told me you might do.” And I’ll tell you right now that I use the same guilt trip on my employees. With Emilee it was different. Everybody in this room is somebody “Tony would approve of,” and it was about this time that Em began gravitating toward people who didn’t fit that profile. Katherine and Claire also came into our lives as family while we were all in high school, and although a lot of our time together was rocky, I know that they loved and were touched by Emilee as much if not more than the rest of us. Again – what I’m going to remember: Trying to prevent screaming preteens from jumping out of the van on I-5 on the way to their first Backstreet Boys concert. New Years of 2000, when we coordinated to turn off all the lights at midnight because of the Y2K hype. Driving. A lot of driving around and harmonizing with really bad (and some good) music. Unfortunately, life can be extremely unfair. When Tony passed, Em was 16. Because I had to go back to school, she was the one who made the call to me. Shortly after, I helped her start her life on her own, and she was as strong as an orphaned teenager could possibly be. As cliché as it may sound: Every cloud has a silver lining. At 19 – Emilee had her son, Dallas, who is here with us today. My nephew changed her life in so many ways. During her pregnancy, Em had the support of her friends and family, but the father was not somebody Tony would approve of. Fortunately, Justin came into her life at just the right time. They were married by Becky Black, the same person who was kind enough to preside over this service today, and Justin made the decision to raise Dallas as his own son. I spent one Christmas with them while they were together, and I could see immediately how much Justin loved my sister, but moreover – how he had taken the reins when it came to teaching and disciplining their son, and how much Dallas loved and respected him for it. Through getting to know him, it became obvious what a good person he is, how big his heart is, and although he was very young to be making such a big decision, I was glad Em had found somebody good for her. I met many of Justin’s relatives at their wedding and at a holiday gathering, and I am incredibly grateful that Dallas will be joining such a large, loving, close knit family. Between her son and her husband, Emilee had real joy in her life for the first time in a long time. Because she had such a difficult time truly loving herself – seeing the things we all saw – she pushed Justin away and their relationship ended. Fortunately, Justin has continued to be Dallas’ dad, despite everything, and always will. For the past few years, Emilee appeared to be doing well. She seemed determined to succeed on her own, she supported herself and her son as a single mother, we spent every Christmas together and it was always a great time. I would never have owned a Coach purse if she didn’t drag me to the outlet and force me to buy it. I’m glad she did. She found a company, Precoa, who helped immensely with this service, where she was valued for her skills and who she was – and many of her colleagues are also here with us today. Ben has helped me a lot personally over the past week, so I’d like to thank him specifically. Her Precoa family has supported her in many ways throughout the past two years, especially when it came to Leila. The past year would have been difficult for anybody – but for an adult orphan, a single mother, and somebody who had struggled with depression since adolescence – Emilee’s experience last year was too much. Some of you may not know, but Emilee carried a daughter with a condition called anencephaly – which is 100% terminal. She delivered Leila in November 2012 and a memorial service was held at the Horizon Community Church a few days later. Losing her mother at such a young age shaped Emilee’s life in irrevocable ways. Now, more than ever, we need to rally around her son, my nephew, Dallas to make sure he has all of the love and support he needs. Dallas – I want you to know that your mommy loved you very much. You were the best thing that ever happened in her life, and you will always carry her with you. No matter what happens as you get older, everybody here today is family, and we all love you more than you’ll ever know. I wish my sister could have seen in herself what all of us saw. A beautiful, intelligent, witty, feisty, hilarious, high energy, lovable young woman with an adoring son and her whole life ahead of her and nothing but potential. Everybody here today gave everything they could to try and help her recognize her own reflection – but a broken mirror only reflects in fragments, and it can’t be fixed. I will remember Emilee as the joyful child, the strong willed teenager, the driven young woman, and the loving mother that she genuinely was. Love you little sis. Service Information